It will all build up to Super Bowl XVLII. I’m going Patriots over Packers in the big game (so much for unbiased), but here are 47 reasons why you should be stoked for this season.
1. Because your team is totally going to win it all this year…unless you’re a Browns fan.
2. Because your baseball team will NOT win this year…Boston.
3. You need redemption…
4. Or still want to beat the Giants, even if you don’t play them in the Super Bowl…
5. Or because your season ended because of Tim Tebow. TIM 72.9 TEBOW.
6. Or because there’s going to be no hockey.
7. Oh…but I wasn’t a fan of hockey anyways. Well then you’re a jerk.
8. You want to see another Jim Schwartz-Jim Harbaugh type handshake. (But with Rex Ryan’s feet.)
9. This year might be the year the Ryan Brothers switch places. Rex in a wig? Classic.
10. It’s just something to watch until The League returns…yes, I do know people this applies to.
11. Sunday buffets just got better. The food will flow.
12. HEY, GUYS! TOM BRADY’S NUMBER IS TWELVE!
13. To watch political ads get crazier and more frequent…I’m Freddie Mitchell, and I approve this message.
14. Incentive to drink on Sunday afternoons…while watching a million Bud Light ads.
15. HEY, GUYS! THIS IS THE BACK-UP JETS QUARTERBACK’S NUMBER!
16. ESPN’s weekly Monday Night Football ad series…unlike the others, these are actually gems.
16. Because you’re a nickname aficionado…
19. The Lawfirm
20. BEAST MODE…demands all-caps. HOLD MUHHHH DICK.
21. Revis Island…doesn’t matter if your QBs are garbage…
22. Matty Ice…featuring Julio Jones and Roddy White. And Matt Ryan doesn’t deserve a picture slot quite yet.
23. Purple Jesus…hopefully he’ll save my fantasy team…
24. Because you’re waaaaaaay into fantasy football…like, you know, making seven moves before the season opener and blog about your team and read expert opinions and probably maybe won’t even finish in the top three this year because you took too many risks…cough cough.
25. You may be Ed Hochuli, shaking your head at the replacement refs and their awful game pacing…and you smile as you realize that maybe Goodell will finally admit he’s lost this battle.
26. It’s the best thing since The Bearded Peanut Gallery.
27. Bedtime stories from Arian Foster
28. Robert Kraft helped you audition for a movie…but seriously, he’s a great guy and brilliant owner.
29. You weren’t a fan of that T.O. and Ochocinco show…it was called The Ultimate Catch in case anyone was wondering…
30. Basketball’s getting boring for you…having just won an NBA title and a gold medal, you are reconsidering playing tight end for the Cleveland Browns. Honestly, LeBron would probably end up being their best offensive player on that team anyways.
31. You get paid for spending 10 minutes of pre-game show laughing…Frank Caliendo’s John Madden gets Boomer every time…
32. TONY “GOOSE” SIRAGUSA…football LEGEND, Man Cave interior desinger, honey enthusiast…
33. Patrick Willis’ five-point exploding heart technique tackles.
34. James Harrison’s packing heat…
35. You like tension between people…
36. Like James Harrison and Roger Goodell
37. Or Tebow and Mark Sanchez
38. Or Ben Roethlisberger and Todd Haley
39. Or Ndamukong Suh’s foot and downed Packers lineman…
40. Or Osi Umenyiora and LeSean McCoy’s twitter accounts
41. Or Andre Johnson (man) vs. Cortland Finnegan (manchild)…allegedly, many NFL players would have supported Johnson.
42. You think Randy Moss is back…and better than ever, Randy Moss is heeeere, Randy Moss is here.
43. You just want this season to end so you can see Super Bowl XVLIII in Jersey…in the winter…creep.
44. RGIII vs. Andrew Luck…the gapped-tooth grin vs. the…really odd voice…
45. You think this is the year that Michael Vick/Darren McFadden/Andre Johnson start all 16 games.
46. You think that Chris Johnson/Jamaal Charles/Adrian Peterson/Kenny Britt/Peyton Manning/Brian Urlacher come back from their injuries and light up the NFL.
47. THE SITH LORD COMMANDS IT…how can you say no to that face…